First off i want to wish everyone a belated merry christmas and a happy new year. Secondly i want to apologise if i was a pain in the ass for the last bit of 2009. I have returned from my holiday and feel like a new person. Except that i feel better then that. More focused then that. I dont actually have the words to describe how good i feel. Something bad happened last year which turned out to be something amazing. Something sanity saving. Last year i acted in a crazy work position and i applied and didnt get the job. Queue disappointment and rejection anxiety. But then i went on holiday and had a chance to reflect how abnormal my life was last year and i realised that not getting that job was the best thing that ever, ever happened to me. I feel sane, joyous for the first time in months. I feel alive. I can lift my head for the first time in months. I am interested in things. I am seeing my family. I dont lose it with everyone. I am happy and i realise now that i was not happy for a long time. We dont need the money so it was just an ego issue. The thing is that you start working and everything is about getting better and better. Earning more and more. Getting promoted. But we dont have an internal switch that tells us enough already. I suppose that modern life is like that. Excess is everything and can you every really have enough.
So for 7 months i worked myself mad and quite frankly neglected my family to do so. But i got to waste some extra money and have a new bed, TV and car for hubby out of it. Can you see that i might have got a bit screwed here? It was crazy when i look at these meagre possessions and think of the hours that i put into those things and how they just werent worth it. They are nice. I like them. But they were not worth what i sacrificed for them. And the worst of all. We would have been in a position to buy them anyway with a bit of saving. But my ego got the better of me for a while and i felt rather important and liked to be the boss of a whole new bunch of people. What can i say but thank god the universe intervened. Otherwise i would be sitting here feeling ill, actually suicidal and dreading this year.
So today i am a grateful chick! I had a wonderful break that i will fill you in about. I have a great new year ahead of me. I am so, so, so determined to make it my year. To fill it with joy and those things that make me happy. I am going to kick my own backside and make this a year that reminds me of what i care about and put those things first.
Love to you and yours!