Thursday, August 26, 2010

Winters dying gasps

This morning i woke up in a really good mood.  I think that this was due to two things:
  1. Seth has slept the whole night in his bed and i had no nocturnal visitors.
  2. I could hear the birds outside and the room was light even though it was 5:30am.
Bliss.  BLISS.  Perhaps it is cruel to be so ecstatic around the ending of a session but i am so glad to see winter go.  We celebrate the arrival of Spring on the 1st September, which i  know is not technically the arrival of spring.  But it is easier for me to just divide the year into four three month periods.

I feel so much more alive.  More motivated to eat better, live better.  Life is easier to celebrate in the summer sun.  My garden is a show of new green leaves and dark red buds.  The oak trees are covered in the newest, greenest of leaves.  I am gardening, painting, cleaning, throwing away.


Wednesday, August 25, 2010

School day blues...

On a summer day in 1994 i officially finished my school days.  Sure i went on to study further but my days of real school were over.  I was all of 17 and breathed a sighof relief.  Life went on merrily (love, marriage, kids) until my oldest son, started school in 2010.  I was excited.  Yay!  School days had become sepia coloured moments of joy, crystallised in my memory to a school annual addition of friends, concerts, favourite teachers etc.

I get all weepy as i kit my beloved out in his new green uniform.  He looks a treat.  I am even more nostaligic.  This is wonderful.  I cover books.  I pack lunch with little notes in.  This is fun.  I am going to be all that my mother was not.  Involved, active, encouraging.  I sign up for things frantically.  I join the PTA.  I meet my son's teacher.  Her name is Mrs Fischer.  She seems nice.  She is friendly and fun.  After two weeks she accosts me at the PTA tea table and tells me that my wonderful bright son, who was always a star, cannot cope, has ADHD and needs medication.  I almost drop my tea cup. I almost throw my tea cup at her.

I go into frantic mom mode.  I drive to the educational book shop and purchase a huge amount of material.  I practically home school the kid after hours.  He gets everything (except my anxiety thankfully).  He seem so be fine with the work.  Okay I pay a huge amount to have him assessed by the occupational therapist.  She says that he is 100%.  No problems.  Actually scores higher then average on most things.  ABSOLUTELY does not require any medication.  I approach Mrs Fischer with all my work.  She looks at me as if she does not know what i am talking about.  She has moved onto another kid she does not like and now likes my son.  She says sweetly that he is doing so well in class and concentrates well.  I want to kick her.  I smile sweetly.

I realise that she is as crazy as hell.  I collect his first report and she accosts me to tell me about her life which is falling apart.  She is divorcing her husband.  They have not had sex in four years.  He screams at her son.  She tells me all of this casually just because it says social worker as maternal occupation on Gabby's file.  She says that she thinks that she has been bewitched.  I smile and wave.  I realise that she is a bit unstable and needs a lot of ass kissing.  I am super friendly, agree to be the class mom. I donate copious amounts of food to the school feeding scheme that she is responible for.  Forget integrity.  It is officially time to schmooze and manipulate.  Through it all my son likes her.  I question him regularly, subtly.  He likes his teacher he says.

The school concert comes up.  She only selects four children from her class to take part.  Other grade one teachers let their whole classes take part.  Gabby is not one of the four.  He cries when he gets home.  I am so angry that she could not just let them all march on and sing "Twinkle, twinkle little star."  I decide not to volunteer to help at the concert.  I boycott.

The third term is nearly over and i cannot wait for December.  I really want this school year to end.  If Seth should go to this school, i will make sure that he does not land up in her class.  I dont think that my son will ever know how much maneouvring i had to do to keep the wheels turning this year.  A couple of other moms grabbed me at the school run the other morning and had a ventilation about her.  They felt that we should complain.  They all had their stories.  Their kids upset in class.  They had fought with her on many issues.  Things that were said to their kids.  I felt relieved that Gabby was spared most of this.  He actually does seem to be liked by her.  But she is still weird, freaky, crazy.

I am 13 weeks of school and counting....


Monday, August 23, 2010

Celebrating G

There is a little boy who lives in my house called Gabriel.  I am his mom but after almost seven years i still struggle to get my head around the idea that i could have had anything to do with the making of someone so wonderful.  He is growing up everyday and i am so proud, heartsore, happy.  Today i am celebrating him just because he is himself.  Because isnt that the truest of gifts to celebrate someone not because of their doing but because of their true spirits.  The idea that you are enough just because you are you.  And you Gabriel, are enough, so very enough just because you are you.

Right now i am celebrating the fact that:
  • I can finally spend time reading with you.  You love the goosebumps range and we lay under the covers and read a whole book yesterday.
  • That you sit behind me on the couch and softly play with my hair, while telling me: "I am just taking the knots out mom.."
  • That you are wise beyond your years and although sometimes you can boss your younger brother around, it always comes from a place of love and concern.
  • That you tell me how you are going to live next door to me when you are married and visit me every day.  I dont quite believe you but i love the fact that you say it non the less!
  • That you are growing into a little boy, going to school, making friends, learning to read, being wonderful.
Who knew all those years ago what a wonderful gift i was getting?  You are the magic wind in the sails of my life.....


Sunday, August 22, 2010


I am in a weird space.  In limboland so to speak.  Its a weird stage of the year.  I can feel spring on a cellular level.  I can smell it in the air, i hear the birds in the morning and can feel myself waking up.  But it is still winter here and the nights are still chilly.  I cant pack away my jerseys or hang up my thick winter gown.  I cant really get into the taste of salads. 

The second half of the year is always a wonderfully busy time of the year for us:  Hallowen, Gabriel and Seth's birthday and then christmas.  We also always go away and have a wonderful summer beach holiday.  So from October life is crazy in a wonderful crazy way.  Right now the slog is still tangiable.  Nothing immediate to look forward to.  Everything is about work and getting through the daily steps of life.

Added to all this is my growing concern about Jason's father.  He has been very ill and has been in and out of ICU for the past month.  He has diabetes and it cannot seem to be controlled.  We all thought that he was getting better and then he was admitted to hospital again this weekend, this time with very low blood pressure and cardiac pain.  Jason and Gabriel will be flying down to spend the weekend with them but it is concerning.  Having experienced so much death in my life i dont want my husband to feel this pain and how to deal with this in terms of my children.  Especially Gabby who is older and aware of what is happening.  This will be his first experience of grief and pain.  I am aware that the death of a family member leaves ripples in a family that are never erased.  Future memories are lost forever.

So this is a sigh sort of time.  A getting by sort of time.  A thinking and planning for future fun sort of time.  I need to cope with the next three months and focus on the positives at the end of the tunnel.  Especially my months leave and the festive season.

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead.

Friday, August 20, 2010

Busy bees

We have been busy, crazy busy.  It has been a month that has simply taken my breath away and i often feel like Seth here!  I just want to throw my hands up and ask:  "What just happened.... and happened.... and happened?"

Spring is in the air and we are counting down to the 1st September.  The weekends have been wonderful as we have been able to spend them outside with me delegating cooking to hubby on the fire.  But Spring also has its downside (Yes, I KNOW, i have been bitching about winter forever but hear me out!).  I love Spring wholeheartedly but it also requires me to deal with my crazy must clean up my life urge.  There is a real energy in the air and i suddenly feel the need to spring clean the clutter hiding holes in my house and deal with my ever increasing bum size.  In a few weeks those long jackets and skirts are just not going to cut it in terms of hiding the flab..  So i have joined weighless and reinvigorated my gyming.

Part of my madness was my "I am really supermom" madness that overtook me this month.  It was Gabriel's school fete and his class got stuck with manning the food stall which involved Moi cooking 10kgs of mince curry and setting up stalls and serving said cooked food.  I dont ever want to see mince curry again.  But the kids had a great time and the school raised thousands of rands and at least i hope i scored some brownie points with his teacher.  Why does it feel like you are back in grade one again trying to impress the teacher.  All the time praying:  Please dont dislike my child!

And how could you dislike this face?  Says the biased mother:

The boys are busy growing which is quite disconcerting.  This is a deceitfully placid photo.  I am sure they were clobbering each other seconds after this was taken....

 Jason's dad has not been well.  He was in ICU for a week and is now back at home.  So Jason and Gabriel are flying to East London to see him next week.  I am looking forward to a weekend alone with Seth but feel anxious about Gabby even though he will be with his dad and his grandmother.  I gave him the choice about going and he wanted to go although he told me very seriously:  "I dont know if i will cope without you."  Me too, baby, boy!

Finally to add to the madness i have builders at my house who are busy tiling and painting up.  Thankfully they are almost done as the mess is unbelievable. Yes, it is part of my crazy spring cleaning madness.

Be wonderful...