Sunday, August 22, 2010


I am in a weird space.  In limboland so to speak.  Its a weird stage of the year.  I can feel spring on a cellular level.  I can smell it in the air, i hear the birds in the morning and can feel myself waking up.  But it is still winter here and the nights are still chilly.  I cant pack away my jerseys or hang up my thick winter gown.  I cant really get into the taste of salads. 

The second half of the year is always a wonderfully busy time of the year for us:  Hallowen, Gabriel and Seth's birthday and then christmas.  We also always go away and have a wonderful summer beach holiday.  So from October life is crazy in a wonderful crazy way.  Right now the slog is still tangiable.  Nothing immediate to look forward to.  Everything is about work and getting through the daily steps of life.

Added to all this is my growing concern about Jason's father.  He has been very ill and has been in and out of ICU for the past month.  He has diabetes and it cannot seem to be controlled.  We all thought that he was getting better and then he was admitted to hospital again this weekend, this time with very low blood pressure and cardiac pain.  Jason and Gabriel will be flying down to spend the weekend with them but it is concerning.  Having experienced so much death in my life i dont want my husband to feel this pain and how to deal with this in terms of my children.  Especially Gabby who is older and aware of what is happening.  This will be his first experience of grief and pain.  I am aware that the death of a family member leaves ripples in a family that are never erased.  Future memories are lost forever.

So this is a sigh sort of time.  A getting by sort of time.  A thinking and planning for future fun sort of time.  I need to cope with the next three months and focus on the positives at the end of the tunnel.  Especially my months leave and the festive season.

Wishing you a wonderful week ahead.

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