Monday, December 14, 2009

Free as a bird

I am on leave.  Finally!  I cannot even tell you how grateful i am.  I need this leave desperately.  Today is my first real day off with the kids at school and i still feel that maniac adrenalin feeling. It has not left my system yet but i know that it will take a couple of days before i quit thinking about work and all the crazy deadlines.  I am almost done with my christmas shopping and am finishing all the plans for our holiday trip.  We hope to drive on Saturday.

My last day at work was a bitter sweet one.  I did not get the post that i applied for and was told on Friday.  At first i was distressed but now i feel much better.  I think that i really wanted the job but that i really needed not to get the job.  To explain:  The new job had lots of additional responsibilities and i have been struggling for the past 6 months to achieve some kind of work life balance with the family.  I have been acting for this period.  It is more money but we are really financially stable and dont need the money.  I think that i was just driven to get the job for status or power and it was hard to feel rejected.  But i really believe that i should not have this job right now, so on some weird level i am really relieved.  I used to think that i could do it all but as life gets more and more crazy i get doubtful.  I now know that i am no super women and something has to give.  I try to focus on the kids and work but then i tend to let myself go emotionally and they also suffer as a result.  So suffice to say that the universe has spoken and i am ok about the situation.  I am looking forward to going back to my old office and picking up where i left off.  It was a very positive environment where i had a lot of flexibility.

Now we are in full swing for holiday planning.  We are all looking forward to ten days with the extended family by the sea.  Granny will be around to help with the little W's and that will help me.  I am wrapping gifts every night on the sly, have got two great books and my embroidery packed and plan to relax.  I have a feeling that 2010 is going to be a great year for all of us.


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