Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Bearing witness

Two posts in one day after so much neglect?  This is what happens when you get stuck in meetings till very late.  Now its one thing being stuck in meetings but it is worse just sitting outside a boardroom waiting to be called to go into a meeting and present. Which is where I am right now.

Tonight family is in my thoughts.  I heard today that two of my family members are getting divorced.  Its a couple that i know well, that i am close to and my heart is very sore for them.  This is just a lose - lose situation, as all divorces are.  In most there appears to be an obvious villain, the initiator, but in reality, that is not the case.  Both persons are distraught, battered, mourning the loss of a dream.  As i said to another family member who recently ended her marriage, a divorce is like a death.

We all stood on our wedding day and believed that we were starting a new life, with someone that we loved. We had a vision of the future, a dream of what this relationship would mean for us.  Two point five kids, a white picket fence, holding hands in the twilight of our lives. Suddenly, all this is gone and we are left mourning.  The death of a dream can be just as bad as the loss of a life.  How do you pick up and move on.  Of course for one party it is worse.  The party that doesn’t want it to end.  Bearing witness to such pain, especially when it is someone that you love is so very hard.  You try and say all the right things.  You are not alone.  We are here for you.  But even as you say these things you recognise their emptiness.  They don’t really assist the wounded.  For me the real task for us at this point is to just be there and support.   And not to allow your own anger and confusion to spill over.  You are there to bear witness and not testimony.

So these people are in my thoughts.  I hope that this pain will help them to find what they seek.  Happiness. Joy. Meaning.  I think that most people are good at heart and deserve to love and be loved.  As I type this I know that someone I care about is very hurt tonight.  And that hurts.  But it is not my pain and I can only send them kind thoughts.  And hope that although this cannot be fixed, they can still be healed.

There is only one important thing to remember about life.  It goes on.  Always.

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