Sunday, August 2, 2009
The germs have finally got me! I can believe it! Just as we are ending winter. I have successfully avoided all the infections that the rest of the W house has endured. Not even a cough, when the rest of the family have been at the Dr and my fridge and kitchen counter looks like a pharmacy. And now... out of the blue, the bugs have landed! Horrible communist bugs, who believe in equitable sharing of suffering. Miserable things. I think it was brought on by a ladies night out last night with my two girl cousins, which ended late and had me out in the cold. The night was worth the germs through.
Hence the title. Perhaps its the winter melancholy but i have become obsessed with comfort lately. As i write this I am in my pajamas, gown and slippers at 4pm, which is just about as wonderfully slothfully comfortable as it gets. I also realised something: that i am my children s primary comfort item. My boys did not have blankets or teddies or anything like that. When they were upset only I would do. It has driven me a bit crazy over the years. Gabriel would only sleep if he was massaging my fingers and Seth is obsessed with my hair, but it is also wonderful to be such a comfort to another little human through your very presence. Today when i was putting Seth down for his nap, he was miserable and overtired. I lay on the bed with him and said: "Mama's here". He stopped crying and said very emphatically "Yes!" and then closed his eyes and went to sleep. What power! What love! My children really are the chocolate sauce on the ice cream of my life. Soon they will be big and grown but i hope that i will always be able to be their constant, their north star, their compass, well.. their comfort, just by being me and being around and loving them unconditionally. And that got me thinking about how little the little people in our lives really want from us. Sure, they need nappies, milk, baths and naps. But mostly to become healthy happy adults, they just need you to be around. Consistently, selflessly, unconditionally, lovingly, supportive. So easy? So hard! That's why i am happy that its me that they reach for in fear, exhaustion and pain and not their teddies. Almost makes up for the serious split ends that i suffer at Seth's hands.
On this cold wintry Sunday afternoon I hope that you are able to find what ever comforts you and embrace it entirely.