snippets

I am alive.   I am sure it might have felt like i have dropped off the earth but i am here.  Just crazy busy living life.  And just in case you dont believe me i am attaching some photographic evidence of all this life that has been happening in the W household!

So please find the autumn fun at the botanical gardens


The soccer star getting ready for the world cup...

The new bikes.


And just the general mucking around!



Sorry to be so scarce but busy life is made for living and that is what i seem to be doing more and more of!

Belated mother's day wishes

Happy belated mother's day to all and sundry. I could not wish anyone online yesterday as in a moment of sheer non brilliance i forgot my power cable for my laptop at the office.

This photo is of my own mother, taken long before she became a mother.  She died in 2000 when i was 23 years old.  My biggest regret is that i did not have the opportunity to know her as mother,when i was a mother, if that makes sense.  I think that it took becoming a mother myself to truely understand how she felt about us as children.  I also became aware that despite her failings she was a wonderful mother on some level.  She certainly loved us unconditionally and despite her substance abuse problem we always had an enourmous sense of that love.  Now, ten years later my siblings and i are confident, relatively successful, largely happy people and she had a large part to play in that.  She was widowed in 1989 when we were only 12, 10 and 6 years old.  And the point is that she got us to adulthood, in tact.  I know now the sense of responsibility that she must have felt faced with that task.  I look at the overwhelming task of raising my sons and know her fear, her anxiety.

The thing is it has taken me ten years of healing to know that there is more of my mother in me then i first chose to acknowledge.  And i am happy with that discovery.  I think that although she was never able to see me as a mother or meet my children as a grandmother she came me the values, the basis that makes me into the parent i am today.  I have finally got the point where i can acknowldege that she failed on a lot of the small things but succeeded on most of the big things.  She had our back.  She defended us.  We knew we were loved.  She protected us.  That stuff counts.

So mom:  I wish you a happy mothers day.  I thank you in only the way that another mother could.  I now understand the soul sweat, the heart blood, the life energy that a mother gives to their children.

I had a wonderful weekend and mothers day.  My hubby gifted me a beautiful antique pewter brooch and my sons gave me flowers and bath goodies.  I was most touched by Gabriel using his money to buy me something small from the school.  I really have good, good kids.  We spent the day at the Johannesburg botanical gardens and had a wonderful picnic, played soccer, ate ice cream and watched the ducks.  Soul food indeed.

I also ended this weekend with the great sense of completion when you get things done:

• I managed to finish my cross stitch item.  It looks so fantastic!  It is worth all the pain and i cannot wait to frame and hang it.
• I put in my winter veggie garden - cabbage, lettuce, cauliflower, broccoli, green peppers, chillies, spinach and swiss chard.  Seth loved it!
• I baked delicious banana bread with the kids on saturday.  Gabby was lucky that he got the last piece for lunch this morning!
• I cleaned out some irritating clutter spots and was mortified at just how many books my kids actually have when they are all in space!

Wishing you a wonderful week...
Al

The eskimo pledge

First off I want to take my public eskimo pledge which says:  "Although i hate winter with a passion, cant get out of bed in the morning, hate grey skies and gazillion items of clothing, sick kids and miserable hubbies, i hereby solemnly pledge not to be a total pain in the butt and bitch and complain in every single blog post for the next three months."

Okay.  Thats out there.  When i look back over my posts last winter i am generally miserable.  Now granted last year i was really not in a good space but still.  I NEED to be more positive then that!  And i do believe very strongly that we have the ability to shape our life experiences with our thoughts and outlook.  So this winter i will focus on the positive of the season and seek out ways to create and experience joy in the moment.  Even if it just the happiness of hot chocolate and my huge fuzzy gown.

I have finally emerge victorious over the resident evil germs and although i had to keep Seth home for two days with a budding cold this seems to have cleared up.  This may be as a result of the flu shot that i gave him last month?  I am not sure but i am grateful regardless.

Otherwise all is well with the W's:

• I am looking forward to a quiet mother's day with my family.
• I am looking forward to seeing my cousin this weekend.
• I must finish my cross stitch this weekend so that i can start on my brother's wedding sampler.  REALLY now!!  I need to get this item done and framed and behind me!
• On a lighter note i am going to restrain myself from going crazy with my 3 year old, who has developed the new super power of whining!  He finally talks and now he does so in the most miserable voice if anything, and i mean anything is wrong!  And he also says "Leave me alone" and "Dont look at me!" a lot.  Wow!  the golden years!!!

Wishing you all a peaceful run up to the weekend.

Al

Operation stop kids from growing up

Mom W is getting uncomfortable.  She has noticed a rather negative side effect of feeding her children.  They seem to be growing up.  Growing rapidly actually.  Does not sit well.

What i am too do?  I dont want to think that my whole life is about wiping bums and noses, cutting the crusts off peanut butter sandwiches and getting up nightly when my three year old yells "Mom!!" at 3am BUT i am also not sure that i am ready to let all of this go.  You see my kids are great.  They are naughty, they scarcely listen and dont eat their veggies but on the whole they rock.  They give great kisses and hugs and say cute things.  They make me laugh every day and think that i am a lot better then i am.  They think that i am wonderful and invincible and the reality is that i only feel that way because they believe, actually know that i am.

Sure i want high school, dates, the first car, university, intellectual conversations, sharing great meals in real restuarants, weddings, grandchildren.  I want all those things but i just dont want to face that this precious time may soon be over.

We are thinking of having another kid.  Note to all this is a long thought out decision and not one made by a madly delusional mother having a "oh my god my kids are growing up" moment at 10pm. We have been thinking about it for a while now.  I will keep you posted on what we decide.

But yes, i am not really sure what my rant is about except to say that sometimes my identity as a mother of small children is so enmeshed into me that i struggle to think that one day this identity wont be mine anymore.  If you want to think even more about this depressing matter check out one of my favourite blogs Apron thrift girl who inspired me with her wonderful blog post. (and had me reaching desperately for tissues and chocolate).  Note to anyone:  Do not read if you are even a bit broody.  You are likely to toss all contraception in the bin!

Al

My treasures

I got this idea of one of my favourite blogger's sites, Amanda at Morning glory cottage.   I loved her post on things that she treasures.  So here goes

Firstly, i treasure my relationship with my husband.  We met when i was 19, the year after i finished school.  Of course i thought that i knew it all.  Of course i still do!  We have been together now for 14 years.  And we really get each other.  Our relationship has evolved as most do but we are in a really good space right now.  We are at the point where we trust each, are able to accept each other and remain committed to both each and our family.  He is an amazing father.  I am often moved to tears of gratitude when i see the absolute devotion that he has for his sons and the way in which they just flourish and blossom around him.  He is strong emotionally, affectionate and kind.  For all the dirty nappies he has changed, the babies he has rocked to sleep, the bottles he has made and given, the games that he has played, the books that he has read, the kisses and hugs that he has given his sons, i am truely grateful.  Through him i became a mother, able to find true contentment, find peace for myself.

And then there was three.....

In December 2003, 6 years ago my first son, Gabriel was born.  All these years later just the sight of him can still take my breath away.  Perfect child, you healed me, allowed me to believe in goodness, gave me hope for the future.  I was able to heal the pain of my own relationship with my mother, through you.  Being a first time mother was hard, so hard at times.  But one of the things that i am most proud of is the unshakable bond that we have.  At times when you drive me crazy with your normal first child bossiness, i have to stop myself from laughing, because you are so, so, so much like me!  I can hear my own words coming from your mouth!  You are beautiful inside and out.  Kind, compassion, empathetic, you stand up for the little(r) people.  Fiercely protective over your brother (you even seem intent on keeping him safe from himself!), secure, bright, loving.  I am so proud of you.  I love you unconditionally.

And then there was four.

Sweet baby Seth.  If Gabriel made me a mother, you gave me a family.  You are so self content, loving, sweet.  Just this morning i found you in a total embrace with the cat, upon which you informed me seriously that he is your friend. I love everything about you from your blue, blue eyes to your soft blond hair.  You dont need me as much as Gabby but you love me so much.  I love the temper that flairs, the "i know what i want" attitude.  I love the fact that you tell everyone that you are "mommy's boy".  I love your gardening, quiet play.  I came into myself when you were born and i had so much fun, freed from the anxiety of trying to do everything perfectly.

On this monday, please share what you treasure most?

Al

First blog anniversary

I cant believe that tomorrow will be my first blog anniversary.  I started my blog on the 20th April 2009 and have made 143 posts.  I really started blogging just because i wanted to share a little bit more of my daily life with the world.  I was inspired by the amazing blogs that i see and read every day on line.  Since i discovered the world of blogs i have found that the world is a small place and that i can meet people who share my emotions, values and experiences even though they live in another country, thousands of miles away. 

Reflecting on my own blog i think that it still needs to find its own space.  I am still stuggling to figure out what i want to do with it and sometimes struggle to dedicate the time to it that i wish i could.  But i love doing it and love checking on my other friends blogs.  So thanks to everyone who has ever stopped her, read what i have written, taken time to comment on the boring details of my daily life.  It means a great deal to me even if i have never met you.

Here's to another year in cyber space......

Love
Al

Scrapbooking joy

One of my happiest moments is when i have a pile of new photos, new papers and an empty album.  Which is where i find myself now, with a pile of wonderful holiday photos to scrap.  And what a pleasure this scrapping has been!  Think blue sky and seas, waves and sand, boys in red and blue swimming costumes, summer, fun.... Get the picture.  I am sadly almost done with the actual holiday album although i took so many pics that they will spill over to the boys general albums.  I do specific albums for holidays.  Then i have three albums running at all times:  One for each of the boys and then a general family album.  Finally i have a christmas album that i keep my christmas pages in.

So today i want to share with you the following that i have finished:

See what i mean about the wonderful summer pics!  Summer is really my season and i dont really get the winter joys.  We dont get snow in JHB, only grey skies which does not make for really inspiring pictures.  But as a dedicated scrapbooker, i will find a way to survive until Spring.... only 5 months to go!  Sigh!

Al