Chillaxing

I love that silly word.  And it really describes where i am right now.  My leave started on Monday and this is my third day off.  It has been bliss to just stay at home and rest.  I must admit that yesterday i had a bit of cabin fever as Jason's car had to go into the panelbeaters and i was stuck at home.  But i was forced to rest and relax.  I have been working on my cross stitch UFO, my huge angel sampler that i started 3 years ago.  I am now attaching hundreds, and i mean hundreds of beads by hand!  It looks beautifukl but is rather painful.  I am forcing myself to finish it so that i can start my brother's wedding sampler for October.

Otherwise i am so looking forward to our week at the sea.  We are leaving on Sunday and i have been stocking up with beach toys and some cool summer clothes.  I am taking advantage of all the summer sales.

So right now i am just resting and it really is fantastic!

Al

Words of beauty

BLESSING
On the day when
the weight deadens
on your shoulders
and you stumble,
may the clay dance
to balance you.
And when your eyes
freeze behind
the grey window
and the ghost of loss
gets in to you,
may a flock of colours,
indigo, red, green,
and azure blue
come to awaken in you
a meadow of delight.
When the canvas frays
in the currach of thought
and a stain of ocean
blackens beneath you,
may there come across the waters
a path of yellow moonlight
to bring you safely home.
May the nourishment of the earth be yours,
may the clarity of light be yours,
may the fluency of the ocean be yours,
may the protection of the ancestors be yours.
And so may a slow
wind work these words
of love around you,
an invisible cloak
to mind your life.

Autumn

Maybe its my imagaination but i feel Autumn in the air.  There is a natural sense that things are winding down around here which is slightly bizarre as we still have a hot beach holiday to look forward to.  Easter is always Summer's last dying breath and after that you know that you have no more unexpected hot spells to look forward to.

Today was the last day at work.  I am off for two weeks.  I celebrated by taking the two sick boys to the doctor,miserable.  I walked out with more medication then a drug cartel and two expensive books that i was suckered into buying by the kids at the local toy shop as a sympathy purchase.  I tried to tell myself that books are not like real toys and actually are good purchases.  I only felt slightly better.

Fortunately, kids are pretty tough and i know that tomorrow they will rally.

Good news is that I got Gabby's first school report and he did fine.  He achieved satisfactory on all his tasks with an over achievement on his maths tasks.  He only rated as an underperformance on his life skills, where he could not recite our cell numbers.  I dont count that as a serious intellectual failing so i reckon he is going to be ok.  Shew!  Motherhood guilt relieved just a little bit......

Will keep you posted on the germ front!
Al

Happy birthday to me

33 years ago at about 5am in the morning, little old me was born.  Its been a long way since there and this year i officially mark my third way to a century.  If you didnt know it i have every intention to live until 100!  I have never really been one to be morbid about birthdays.  I dont really think about getting old and the numbers dont stress me out much.  I stress more about having an empty life then getting old.  And empty my life is not right now!

The fact is that i like myself and consequently my life right now.  I like who i am and like where i am going.  That does not mean that i think that i am perfect.  On the contrary i know that is not true at all.  What counts is that i know that and am still really okay with me.  I am less prickly, more level headed, more able to shrug my shoulders and say "shit happens" then i was ten years ago.  I see less black and white in life and whole lot of gray which is really soothing actually.  I think that i am learning to see what counts more.  I have figured out what i cant live without (my hubby, my kids, my peace) and after that the rest just kind of falls into place. 

Having the children has taught me that i have to stand still sometimes so that i can be the stable base that they push into the world from.  Ten years ago this would have distressed me no end but now it gives me space to reflect and be calm and i am fine about it.

So this is a post (toast?) to a good year.... a new year.....

I think that 33 is going to fit me just fine!

Al

School holidays

I just cant believe that we have survived the first school term.  Holidays start on Friday.  We survived it and it got a lot easier.  I am in a routine now and can come with the home work demands and making lunches.  Gabby is also doing better.  He struggled with the adjustment of a new school, new friends and "real" school work.  But just like his momma, he is a tough cookie!  and is doing well.

I finally got around to scrapbooking the first day at school photos and was so smitten with my cute little school boy that i just had to share them.  Isnt he just a handsome thing!  I love him to bits!

So let the countdown commence......

Al

Autumn days

Its here people.  Autumn has finally hit the southern hemisphere and all our feathered friends are flying north.  I am not a winter fan at all but i like the cool days of Autumn.  They are a bit of a reprieve after the hot African summer - and trust me it is a real scorcher!  So i feel ready for this season!

Today we woke to grey skies which was a bit miserable as we had promised the kids to take them to the local theme park - gold reef city.  I dont mind the weather as long as it technically does not rain so we are holding thumbs otherwise we are going to have some miserable little bunnies here.  It has been a long weekend here and i have had a good break.  Lots of home time.  Lots of scrapbooking.  Gym, reading and even baking squuezed in.  We also had a chance to visit my cousin in his new house, which is wonderful!

So happy spring day to all my northern friends and to the rest of us, hunker down folks Winter is on its way!  To celebrate i got some wool out and grabbed a hook.  The best part of winter is crochet! :)

Al

Ps:  having a good giggle at Seth right now.  He wanted me to fetch a toy for him out of the play room and when i told him to fetch it himself he told me that his leg was broken.  This was accompanied by major limping.  I laughed so much that i fetched it for him.  Perhaps this was part of the plan!

Alive

I promise i am still here but still exhausted.... so just a few lines.

• Leave is booked and i cant wait to get to the beach.
• We are all really okay.  Work is mad.  Parenthood is crazy but we are all okay.
• I cant wait for the school holiday.  Not only because i am going to be off but also because it will allow the whole family to take a breather.  Which we really need right now.
• I am watching "Julia and Julie" and loving it!
• I made crunchies today and am trying to avoid the tray that is sitting in the kitchen at all cost.  I think i will donate a pack to my cousin when i see him.

Speak soon.....

Unplanned absence

Sorry if i have not been able to blog lately.  I cant claim that anything exciting has been happening.  No unexpected holiday, no lottery winnings.  That said there certainly has been a lot happening here.  Exhausting stuff.  More then usual, which is saying a lot when your life is already a full time working mom of two boys under the age of 7!  But it has.......

First some good news..

1. Gabriel speech has got so much better and i feel so relieved.  I hate watching him struggle to communicate.  He saw the speech therapist for a full assessment and i am meeting with her on Friday morning to go through the assessment report and plan for future sessions.  I will make a decision once i have seen the report but i am happy for him to go for some sessions with her.  I personally think that he has finally settled down in school.  He has made friends and the routine is becoming more familiar to him.  I think that he experienced difficult as he came from a Montessori preschool where he was able to guide  and control his own learning pace and then needed to fit into a mainstream school.  I was tempted to move him again but although i support the Montessori grounding i want him to be able to cope with all types of people, even if they are different and sometimes not too pleasant.  I am so pleased that his natural resilience has come through and he is coping again.  That being said, i have been doing a lot of work with him.  I have been using some cognitive refocusing exercises to assist him to feel positive about school and i have cut some of the homework pressure.  I have also taken leave so that we can have a great family holiday at the end of the month when the school closes.  I think that he will need the escape.  Throughout it all, i have only obtained more respect for this kid.  He is level headed, hard working, focused and determined.  He can deal with things that are unpleasant and has good interpersonal skills.  It is so hard to see your child struggle but i feel that i was able to create the soft backdrop for a hard experience and that he was able to triumph.  I feel that him overcoming this adjustment has been a huge investment into his emotional bank account.
2. The second piece of good news is that we are planning a family holiday to a place on the coast called Salt Rock. It is about 30km outside of Durban.  The picture below is the view from the house that we will be renting for a week.  Doesnt that look amazing.  We know no-one in Durban and i am looking forward to sheer fun and family time.  We do really well as a family when it is just the four of us and i always leave with wonderful bonding memories.  I feel that this has been a hard three months and we need this break.  I am very excited!  I am taking a week off before hand to be with the kids and just have some home time.

Of course there is some bad ...
I caught my nanny stealing money out of my handbag yesterday which was highly distressing for me.  I have suspected her before but never actually caught her.  This was the first time she has acknowledged that she took money after i confronted her and returned the money.  It was very difficult as she has been with me for about ten years and has been fundamental in helping me raise my children.  I have no grandparents in town so have relied upon her for years to look after sick kids, help with holiday etc.  She really is faultless with the children, kind and loving.  My sons love her and call her granny.  After a lot of introspection i have decided not to fire her.  I think that she is valuable resource to my family regardless and i need to address and deal with the theft.  I will meet with her on Thursday when i go into work late to go to the dentist and talk things through with her.  I suspect that there is personal crisis in her life which has prompted this behaviour because she has a difficult personal life.  Of course this is no excuse.  I had a long talk with my brother who lived with me for many years and knows her well and he was of great help to me. 

And on that note, my baby brother got engaged!  I am so happy for him.  Who knows what the outcome of any relationship with be but right now it is clear that he and my future sister in law are happy.  They had a wonderful engagement party and are now planning a wedding.  The date is set for the 17th October!  I am so happy that both of my siblings are no happily settled.  They deserve the happiness that a family brings.  Now i just want some babies in the family that are not mine!  I am throwing hints at both of them!  Lets hope for a honeymoon baby!  I pledge lots of baby stuff and babysitting! :)

So that has been my busy week!  Just to end off.... when i was doing some reading around assisting Gabriel with the adjustment i came across the interesting concept of an emotional bank account which really resonanted with me.  In essence the theory is that everyone (in this context your children) have an emotional bank account.  Life stress and negative encounters are withdrawals from this account.  Our role as parents and spouses is to constantly fill up the account and even further then that, to make investments into this account constantly.  This builds up an emotional cushion or nest egg for your child so that when the hard times hit he can ride out the storm.  I loved the idea!  Now i am trying to actively use language or give positive messages that build up my sons accounts!

Have a wonderful week!
Al