Monday, January 3, 2011

Happy new year

2011 is here. I am glad.  2010 was a crazy year but i am glad its over.  I have a good feeling abou the year to come. 2010 saw my boys growing up at a mad pace.  Gabby starting school, learning to read, becoming such a little boy.  Seth finally found his tongue and made me wonder why i thought he would ever be mute.  And of course sperm met egg and little peanut was concieved.  We worked hard.  We played hard, pulling off three great family holidays.  But we were all a little relieved when we could say "Totsiens 2010! "

I am still on holiday for another week or so and glad to be home after our holiday at the coast.  It was good to be away but the holiday itself was disappointing.  Its far to travel and although it is wonderful to see family, I find that moving a young family away from their routine and home for two weeks is a nightmare.  I am glad to be home, cook in my own kitchen, have all my belongings around me, the trappings of my life surrounding me.

Peanut continues to grow in leaps and bounds.  I last saw the doctor at the end of November and am looking forward to my appointment on wednesday the 5th January.  I had a long gap because we were away and the holidays were on.  But on the 29th December s/he gave me their first real strong kicks.  Three, on after the other as i lay reading and now it is felt daily.  It is comforting and so familiar to feel those little kicks.  It reminds me so much of my sons, who are now such little boys at 4 and 7.  This pregnancy is flying and i cant believe i am halfway through.  I keep trying to tell myself to step back and to savour the moments as this will be my last but I am so caught up in the process of life with two kids that i often forget.

Everyone thinks that we desperately want a daughter but its not true.  Truth is that i have a slight fear of having a daughter and i just love my sons.  Being a woman is complicated and i dont think i am ready to deal with bringing a daughter into the chaos.  Sons are adoring, uncomplicated.  Truth is that whatever happens i will be happy as i had given up on having a third child at all.  But people drive me a bit crazy by imposing their ideas of what i want onto me.  I dont want sympathy for having three beautiful sons.  I know that if the doctor says its a boy i will just smile and think "Thats exactly as it was meant to be!"

I had a wonderfully quiet new year and hope that yours was restful and safe.

To a new year and new beginnings,

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