Happy Halloween

Its Halloween and wherever you are in the world i hope that you are having spooky, wonderfully wicked day! Even the weather seems to be in on the chaos and is misbehaving with grey skies. I am just hoping that the clouds hold until to night. We are off to the Johannesburg zoo with the cousins and aunts in tow to go trick or treating. Here in South africa, Halloween is only now taking off so people dont really give out sweets from their homes. However, we have centralised events and there is a big one at the zoo tonight. Basically you pay to get in, they give out sweets, have ghost houses and other spooky things and so on.

Seth is going as a pumpkin, Gabby as Death, Mama W as a skeleton and Daddy W as batman. I will upload pics asap so that you can all laugh at our craziness! Have a wonderful halloween!

Love, marriage and all that follows......

Marriage is not easy. Making a marriage work is even harder. The reality is that you are not in love all the time. You love each other even though sometimes you cant stand each other. The more I think about it, the more I am of the opinion that if you are in a successful marriage, you are lucky. You are so very lucky. As I get older I realise that the impact of your family of origin on your being, your psyche is enormous. And the reality is that few people when they marry have the same world view. Sometimes Jason and I have such different views on simple domestic life that I feel frustrated. I feel like shouting: “What’s the matter with you? You cant really believe that, can you?”. Then I have to stop and remind myself that he is not me. That we are an “us”, but we are still him and me. When we first started our relationship, this caused me much distress. After all wasn’t the objective of a good marriage to become an “us”? That’s what happened in the movies, right? After all, wasn’t wanting a separate personality after marriage a little bit selfish.

Here we are almost thirteen years down the line and I have different expectations from my marriage. I now know that we will always be separate entities. That we cant live in each others skin. That I cant climb in his head, dream his dreams, live his life for him. Does that make me sad? No it doesn’t. I am fine. We are still an “us”, a couple, a partnership. We are still a family. And you know what I like being me. And I like the fact that he is separate from me. I like the fact that there are little parts of him that I will never know or understand. I don’t really want to be in a relationship with myself. I am Ok. He’s Ok. We are OK.
Some of this was a road that we walked together. Some of this realisation was about my own growth. We are both more comfortable in our skin, with ourselves. We like ourselves. We like each other. We like being married. We have weathered the storms. We know that we are here to stay.

We trust each other. We now know that good marriages are about hard work. Does this mean I don’t believe in love. No it does not. I just believe that a marriage is even more complex then just love. Love will get you there. Hard work will keep you there. And we both believe that we have to keep going. This may be strange for a liberal, atheist, feminist but I believe in marrying for life. I really want to be married for life. I hold my marriage vows sacred. They are a commitment that I made. They are my word. I wrote my own vows. I chose the words I spoke, the promises I made. They were mine and I will keep them. They were mine to give and I gave them. I am not talking about staying in an abusive relationship, a relationship that includes pain. I am talking about not walking out because something more exciting comes alone. Because, you are going through a bad patch.

I want my sons to see the reality of marriage. I want them to understand that marriage is for life but needs a whole lot of work. I want them to see us work at it. I want them to see us apologise to each other.

Lastly, I want to dance the funky chicken on my 50th wedding anniversary. Is that too much to ask?

What just happened?

I do believe that i have been visited by some mean energy sucking aliens, intent on removing all the joy from my life! They cannot be allowed to win! Must beat them! Must get head of pillow to beat them! Too hard!

Ja, the W's are tired. The Mama W is exhausted. The Daddy W is grumpy. We need a holiday. We have almost 6 weeks to go before our long christmas by the sea holiday. We must survive. We must not kill each other. Mama W must keep smile on face when dealing with baby W's. Mama W must be sensitive and not kill assorted stupid people who piss her off when she is tired. Mama W must not take Daddy W's grumpiness personally. We are all adults here people....

Experience has taught me that you must find some comfort at times like this. Joy is pushing it. I am trying to focus on all the cool things that are happening despite my crazy life. These include:

• The visit from Granny W that is happening in November.
• The school concert that is coming up. The big little W is playing the piano and we are all so proud. We are the largest family group there (8 adults and one littly) so we will cheer appropriately.
• Halloween: I got the kids costumes yesterday. Gabby is going as Death. Seth is going as a pumpkin. He is so cute that even Daddy W was oohing and aahing and made me take photos! I just wanted to bake him into a pie and eat him - completely figuratively of course!!! (Tired, not insane people!)
• The fact that i am seeing an old friend for coffee and soetkoekies today. Bought a whole box from Woolies and will inhale them.

So thanks for listening to my bitch session. I am afraid that there is more to come. Until of course Christmas arrives. On the 1st Dec, i put up that tree and then i go into a crazy, festive flurry! I just love the season.

Al

Party time!

I have just realised that it is about 6 weeks to the annual super-duper kick ass Wainwright birthday party. For those, who are not in the know, let me fill you... This is the kids party of the year - well for us at least. I normally start going noticeably grey a couple of weeks in advance, which is about now. As the boys are both born in December, we do one big bash in the middle of the month. I dont think that i can keep this up forever, but at the moment it works pretty well.

Last year we did pirates and this year i am medieval knight dreaming! I am thinking swords, castles, ladies and kings. I am thinking dragon pinatas. I am thinking a royal court. I am plotting and scheming and these pics are giving me some inspiration.

All very helpful on this miserable working monday.....

Al

Long time, no hear

This has been the longest period that i have gone without posting. I guess that this is just a reflection of where i am right now. Busy, rushed, tired, wishing desperately that it was holiday time. I think that i have done pretty well this year, as i still have my entire leave allocation due to me, but i am starting to take strain now and am beginning to long physically for christmas holidays and the accompanying full month off. I am planning to go off the week of the 14th and only return about the 10th Jan. This time will also include two weeks at the coast, where i can literally get away from it all.

This sense of tiredness seems to have crept into everything. I am tired at work and seem to be losing it more with the kids at home. All of this is made worse by the fact that i am saddled with housework as my helper is not at work for a week, having experienced a loss in her family. Man, i hate mopping floors, washing dishes and clothes. Do you have any idea how much clothes a family of four can generate? It is crazy. It has been raining. Seth was ill with tonsillitis and had to stay home for two days. So yes, its my party and i will cry if i want to. I have finished my Magaliesberg album. But right now, I have not started anything else. I feel like i just want to vegetate on the couch and growl at everyone as they go past.

Of course, there is no solution for this situation but to bite the bullet and ride out the next 8 weeks or so. At least my children's social life will distract me. I am the sad stage of my life where my kids have better social lives then i do. We had a birthday party this week, a play date the next, Halloween the next, yet another birthday party and then the school concert. Five weekends already accounted for. CRAZY! It has also struck me that i have only 6 weeks till the birthday party madness starts so that also requires some attention... take a number and join the queue!

Of course i am going to survive, but why are these big girl panties so damn uncomfortable?

Love
Al

Blah! Monday

I am typing this looking over the smoggy grey skies of Johannesburg. What a sight. The world seems to have forgotten that it is Spring time. I have also just heard that i need to do a late evening meeting, which is always guaranteed to bring a spring into your step.

So perhaps i need to focus on some joyous thoughts right now:

Things that are bringing me joy right now:

• The fact that i am almost finished with my Magaliesberg album. I have done 14 out of the 20 pages and am very happy with the outcome. I always find that a planned album moves along so quickly. It has a clear goal, or an experience to capture. You can organise the photos to fit in with this and then get to work. I had to share some more photos from the holiday. Dont you just love this picture of Seth and the dog. They were both watching the goats eat. The dog longingly so, although he was not brave enough to venture in and snatch a crust!
• I am just loving my kids right now. I had a really bad case last week where i was informed of two kids - 4 and 7 who needed to be removed from their mom at my shelter. It just broke my heart. I just cant understand, fathom neglectful bad mothers. I cant sympathise no matter what the circumstances. I know that i would literally place my own life at risk for my children. I am so angry with her. I went home and just loved my kids with all my capacity. I am so grateful that i am in a position to ensure that they are cared for, loved and sheltered from the ugliness of the world, as far as i can.
• My garden is alive at present and all my white icebergs are in bloom. They look beautiful.
• My new bed is an absolute joy. Ah! Just thinking about it makes me feel better.
• AND my kids are in their own beds!!!! The boys have been in their own room for over a year now but i had the two beds together as Seth did not want to sleep without cuddling next to Gabby. Problem is they bother each other. Getting them to sleep was becoming a nightmare. So i moved the beds apart. It is amazing. They have been sleeping so much better and not waking up at night after one of them slaps the other in the face or provides a midnight kick.

Hope that your monday is not too manic!

Al